I’ve got all my Christmas presents -
Wrapped them all as well.
My Christmas cards are all posted,
As far as I can tell.
The tree is in the corner
With it’s lights, star, and glittery balls
And there’s Holly and some Mistletoe
Hanging in the halls.
The paper chains are making
The ceiling look nice
And the windows all are frosted
With that artificial ice.
There’s a wreath upon the door and
My stocking's on the fireplace.
I’ve even hung up an extra one -
Well, you know... just in case....!
I’ve placed a picture of me and Santa,
Carefully on the shelf,
To remind me of my visit
Where I chatted up his elf!
The turkey’s now defrosting:
Mince pies are on the table.
I’ll get the nuts and chocolate things
Tomorrow, if I’m able.
There’s fruit there in abundance:
A Yule log at the ready,
And the drink that isn’t in the fridge
Is tucked behind the telly.
My mother sent the Christmas pud
She said there’s 5ps in it.
She didn’t say a thing last time
And I very nearly croaked it!
The crackers this year were given to me
Which I think was very thoughtful
But what’s the betting the jokes inside
Are still as blooming awful!
Oh - I’ve marked the TV listings so
I’ll miss none of my favourite shows.
Though how I managed through 50 channels,
Heaven only knows.
Well, that’s the lot, I think I’ve got
Everything upon my list.
But I can't shrug off the feeling that,
There’s something that I’ve missed……
It seems to me, oh I don’t know,
There’s got to be something more…
Oh, pardon me: Just a mo’
There’s someone at the door.
"God rest you merry gentleman,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember Christ your Saviour,
Was born upon this day"
Sorry, Folks. I gave at the office.
Carol Singers!
Now where was I?
Something missing...
Oh, never mind,
I’m sure I’ll work it out….
Merry Christmas!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
When Santa got stuck up the chimney…. (Sketch)
When Santa got stuck up the chimney....
He began to appeal to the children passing by to help him out. But one child offered him more than he bargained for…
Cast: Santa - Fear - Ignorance - Unbelief - Skepticism - Greed - Child
Setting: A chimney on stage left (high up if possible). Santa tries to get out and…
Santa: Oh no! Not again…. One too many mince pies I guess. Good job I don’t live in the North of England, though!
(‘Children’ enter stage right)
Santa: Hey you lot. Help me out of here will you?
Fear: Not likely! Look at him. He looks like a dirty old man (Santa: It’s the Soot!) If we help him, he’ll probably offer us some sweets and a ride in his sleigh!
Santa: (Sneezes)
Ignorance: Yeah, and listen to him sneeze. He’s probably got bird flue from one of his Reindeer. The one with the red nose I shouldn’t wonder…
(‘Children’ freeze here and Santa talks to the audience)
Santa: So much fear and ignorance - judging people at first glance and - well I ask you, bird flue from a reindeer! Why don’t people find out a bit more about things before jumping to conclusions?
(Back to the Kids) Look I’m Santa Clause. Don’t you believe in me any more.
Unbelief: No! There are so many of you around. You can’t be in all shopping centers at once. You can’t all be the real thing.
Skeptic: Flying reindeers pulling sleigh’s full of presents around the world in one night… Impossible!
Santa: (To audience) People nowadays don’t seem to know the real thing when it’s staring them in the face! And there are some things you can’t understand until you believe.
(To children) Look: You know you girls and boys won’t get any toys unless you let me out?
Skeptic: Am I bovvered?
Greed: Don’t be silly. My mum buy’s me everything I want at Christmas! Even if we are in debt up to out eyebrows. And if my dad comes round with the maintenance money, then he brings me stuff too. Just to prove they love me.
Santa: (to audience) Children expect everything on a plate these days - and everything’s so commercialised. Mind you … I’ve missed my productivity bonus now, through not getting all the presents delivered by midnight!
Greed: Hey. Come on you lot our ASBOs say we’ve got to get back before midnight.
Skeptic: (As they exit stage left) But the pubs haven’t closed yet!
Unbelief: Shame about global warming… (Others ‘Eh?’ ‘What?’ Etc.,) We could have thrown snowballs at him!
(‘Children’ laughing as exit stage left - Child enters quietly stage right)
Santa: Sometimes I wish Christmas could be as it was…
(Shouts) Can no one help me out of here?
Child: Do you really want to be free?
Santa: Huh? Where did you come from? Why didn’t you go with the rest?
Child: They don’t want to know me.
I’d like to help you, but do you believe in me?
Santa: What do you mean? Who are you?
Child: Let me give you a clue: People will be celebrating my birthday tomorrow.
Santa: Tomorrow…. 25th… Christmas… No…. He can’t be…
You’re probably just a do-gooder who’s going to get me out then steal my sack! Or get me into some strange cult or something.
Child: So much fear and ignorance - judging people at first glance.... Why don’t people
Santa: What? Oh, yeah, ok. But why should I believe in you? There are so many religions around. They can’t all have the truth!
Child: People nowadays don’t see the truth when it’s -
Santa: Staring them in the face, I know… But look; how can I believe in all that virgin birth stuff? And as for rising from the dead….
Child: Sometimes you can only understand something once you believe.
Santa: Ok. Ok. If you ’re who you say you are - prove it. Get me out of this mess.
Child: First you have to put everything in that sack… and let it go.
Santa: My sack. But that’s impossible. I can’t do that. I’d loose everything if I did.
Child: But you’d gain a new start.
(Exits quietly stage right as Santa rants)
Santa: Oh, this is ridiculous. Get me out of here now! I …. Where’s he gone? Don‘t leave me now… (thinks)
(To audience) You know… I keep hearing 'People expect to be given everything on a plate…’. What do you think I should do? Drop all of this stuff and believe in him, or stay stuck where I am?
What would you do?
END.
Christmas Guest Service 2005
He began to appeal to the children passing by to help him out. But one child offered him more than he bargained for…
Cast: Santa - Fear - Ignorance - Unbelief - Skepticism - Greed - Child
Setting: A chimney on stage left (high up if possible). Santa tries to get out and…
Santa: Oh no! Not again…. One too many mince pies I guess. Good job I don’t live in the North of England, though!
(‘Children’ enter stage right)
Santa: Hey you lot. Help me out of here will you?
Fear: Not likely! Look at him. He looks like a dirty old man (Santa: It’s the Soot!) If we help him, he’ll probably offer us some sweets and a ride in his sleigh!
Santa: (Sneezes)
Ignorance: Yeah, and listen to him sneeze. He’s probably got bird flue from one of his Reindeer. The one with the red nose I shouldn’t wonder…
(‘Children’ freeze here and Santa talks to the audience)
Santa: So much fear and ignorance - judging people at first glance and - well I ask you, bird flue from a reindeer! Why don’t people find out a bit more about things before jumping to conclusions?
(Back to the Kids) Look I’m Santa Clause. Don’t you believe in me any more.
Unbelief: No! There are so many of you around. You can’t be in all shopping centers at once. You can’t all be the real thing.
Skeptic: Flying reindeers pulling sleigh’s full of presents around the world in one night… Impossible!
Santa: (To audience) People nowadays don’t seem to know the real thing when it’s staring them in the face! And there are some things you can’t understand until you believe.
(To children) Look: You know you girls and boys won’t get any toys unless you let me out?
Skeptic: Am I bovvered?
Greed: Don’t be silly. My mum buy’s me everything I want at Christmas! Even if we are in debt up to out eyebrows. And if my dad comes round with the maintenance money, then he brings me stuff too. Just to prove they love me.
Santa: (to audience) Children expect everything on a plate these days - and everything’s so commercialised. Mind you … I’ve missed my productivity bonus now, through not getting all the presents delivered by midnight!
Greed: Hey. Come on you lot our ASBOs say we’ve got to get back before midnight.
Skeptic: (As they exit stage left) But the pubs haven’t closed yet!
Unbelief: Shame about global warming… (Others ‘Eh?’ ‘What?’ Etc.,) We could have thrown snowballs at him!
(‘Children’ laughing as exit stage left - Child enters quietly stage right)
Santa: Sometimes I wish Christmas could be as it was…
(Shouts) Can no one help me out of here?
Child: Do you really want to be free?
Santa: Huh? Where did you come from? Why didn’t you go with the rest?
Child: They don’t want to know me.
I’d like to help you, but do you believe in me?
Santa: What do you mean? Who are you?
Child: Let me give you a clue: People will be celebrating my birthday tomorrow.
Santa: Tomorrow…. 25th… Christmas… No…. He can’t be…
You’re probably just a do-gooder who’s going to get me out then steal my sack! Or get me into some strange cult or something.
Child: So much fear and ignorance - judging people at first glance.... Why don’t people
Santa: What? Oh, yeah, ok. But why should I believe in you? There are so many religions around. They can’t all have the truth!
Child: People nowadays don’t see the truth when it’s -
Santa: Staring them in the face, I know… But look; how can I believe in all that virgin birth stuff? And as for rising from the dead….
Child: Sometimes you can only understand something once you believe.
Santa: Ok. Ok. If you ’re who you say you are - prove it. Get me out of this mess.
Child: First you have to put everything in that sack… and let it go.
Santa: My sack. But that’s impossible. I can’t do that. I’d loose everything if I did.
Child: But you’d gain a new start.
(Exits quietly stage right as Santa rants)
Santa: Oh, this is ridiculous. Get me out of here now! I …. Where’s he gone? Don‘t leave me now… (thinks)
(To audience) You know… I keep hearing 'People expect to be given everything on a plate…’. What do you think I should do? Drop all of this stuff and believe in him, or stay stuck where I am?
What would you do?
END.
Christmas Guest Service 2005
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